hindsight is 2020

   

I wish I was still this girl.This picture was taken my junior year in highschool during a basketball game.  Before all the bullshit, before depression and anxiety took over, before I lost the will to live. I wish I was still this happy and full of life.  I look at this girl and weep for her future and what she could have been.  I had my whole life in front of me and just threw it all away on bad mistakes and hasty decisions. I wish I could still smile like that too.  I look at this picture and it feels like someone elses life, I dont even look like the same person. I wish I could talk to her and warn her but I know it would fall on deaf ears.

All I know is life is too short to have regrets. I wish I hadnt wasted so much time on what ifs and second guessing myself. You're only young once and I blew it. I just hope my next 30 years are better than my first 30. And that I at least learned something from being beated, broken, used and abused.

the thing you just cant say out loud

There is a thread on Ravelry in my LSG (lazy stupid and godless) group titled "what you just cant say out loud".

Mine is

Every night I stare at your name on facebook chat willing you to talk to me.

It never works.

I know posting it on here defeats the purpose but its out in the open now and I feel much better about it.

What is your thing you cant say outloud?

ch ch ch changes

Times they are a changin'.

I don't know if it's just me but people are acting weird. I have noticed that since I've started losing weight people treat me different. Men are holding doors for me, women are  smiling at me. Just the other day I was helping a customer pick out a watch for her mother. She was worried the watch wouldnt fit because her mother is "plump". I told her I could try it on for her and she said "no, you're skinny". I know I am far from goal weight but it made me feel pretty good that a total stranger didnt classify me as plump. Maybe it is my attitude that has changed. I still feel self conscious but I'm starting to feel more like my old self every day. I dont know if thats a good thing or not. We'll just have to wait and see.

Timmy

Meet Timmy the turtle

old fool

i feel like such a fool for letting you in. for letting my guard down just once. for a split second. never again.

tattoo

coverup done by Bobby at Anythings Possible Mooresville NC

pics

 malabrigo koolhaas hat

turtle dish cloth