how can a facebook status make you feel like crap

I have seen this facebook status about 10 times over the past week and its really getting on my nerves.

I have a mom who makes me laugh, wipes my tears, hugs me tight, watched me succeed, saw me fail, cheered me on & kept me strong! Moms are a promise from God that you will have as a friend forever! Put this on your status if you love your mom! ♥... I have the Best Mom anyone could ask for :D

Seriously, just seeing this makes me feel like crap. And 10 times in 3 days is even worse. The month of May is the worst. Nothing like a made up holiday to make you feel bad all over again.

on a knitting note

Sometimes I think knitting saved my life. Knitting and Buffy. Yes, I'm a dork but these are my loves.

Right now I am knitting socks. The Embossed Leaves pattern out of the Favorite Socks book by interweave, pattern by Mona Schmidt. I am using Inca sportlace handpainted, color rust. I hope these turn out because I would like some socks for myself. So far I have knitted 2 pairs of socks. The first pair I ever knitted were intended for myself but my Step Mom claimed them, the second pair were for my Dad and I seriously doubt he will ever wear them because my SM will be the one wearing them. So she got two pairs of socks. My first two pairs EVER. Here's to hoping these fit my fat ankles.

I just finished the first sock today and even on size 2, 64 stitches is a bit tight on my leg. These may get gifted to a very good friend of mine that lives in Michigan.



Here are some lovelies I picked up today. I need more sock yarn like I need a hole in the head, but I got it anyway. I just couldn't help myself. The purple is Wildfowl in color Purple Splendor. And the multi is Kaleidoscope in color Mossy Hollow. I acquired these at my LYS The Needlecraft Center in Davidson, NC.

hello and goodbye

This may be a bit of a somber post for a first post but I am plagued with insomnia and I have a lot on my mind right now. So my apologies up front.

I am going to say hello to the new me, the me I will become, and I am saying goodbye to the old me, the old me that was so plagued with self doubt and second guessing. You were held back for so long, just say goodbye. I should have said goodbye a long time ago, goodbye to the people and places that hold all my memories. I went to my hometown over the weekend and showed my DB around town. Where I went to high school with, where we used to live. It kinda made me sad. It has been 10 years since I graduated high school so I was already feeling a tad sentimental. Sad for the time that had gone by ad all the bad things that have happened over the years. I was reminded of why I left but I still felt that tug. the tug at my heart strings that told me to stay. That asked me to come back and feel bad all over again. I swallowed it down and put on a happy face. That was particularly trying.

There is one thing that I keep going back to, the issue with the one person that I thought would never let me down, the person I assumed would always be there, the person that should be there no matter what. They continued to let me down time and time again. And I continued to be hurt and devastated and I continued to let them hurt me. They blame everything on me. No matter how bad things got we always talked. Not anymore. It has been 9 months since I've talked to them and it still hurt. It hurts me so deep. If you don't have my back, then who does? It's also not fair to the people that you keep away from me. I knew you loved them more than you loved me but you're not supposed to pick favorites. People ask me all the time if I've talked to you or heard from you. I just shrug. What am I supposed to say to that?

Missing you hurts my heart. I miss you every day and I can't keep crying over you. For what its worth I still love you.

PS: Happy Birthday. I got you a card but I didn't send it, it would have been blank anyway. I didn't forget.