hindsight is 2020

   

I wish I was still this girl.This picture was taken my junior year in highschool during a basketball game.  Before all the bullshit, before depression and anxiety took over, before I lost the will to live. I wish I was still this happy and full of life.  I look at this girl and weep for her future and what she could have been.  I had my whole life in front of me and just threw it all away on bad mistakes and hasty decisions. I wish I could still smile like that too.  I look at this picture and it feels like someone elses life, I dont even look like the same person. I wish I could talk to her and warn her but I know it would fall on deaf ears.

All I know is life is too short to have regrets. I wish I hadnt wasted so much time on what ifs and second guessing myself. You're only young once and I blew it. I just hope my next 30 years are better than my first 30. And that I at least learned something from being beated, broken, used and abused.