healing

healing takes a toll on your body.  it forces you to rest.  i have been forced to take time off and rest and i'm not happy about it. i'm worried and scared and restless.  doesnt help that mothers day is coming up and i still havent spoken to mine. she sent me a message on facebook when my brother told her i was pretty sick. it means a lot that shes concearned but i need her in my life. my dad can not possibly be everything to me for the rest of his life. theres just some things i cant talk to him about. i love him but he's not my mom. i did send her a mothers day card but i pretty much left it blank. i dont really know what to say. i love you isnt enough for her.

i have missed so much in my brother and sisters lives because of the rift between me and my mother. i missed graduation, both their proms, junior miss and dance recitals. i miss my family. i just feel like they dont even care about me anymore. who do you have when you have no friends and no family. no one. and i've proven i cant rely on myself just yet.

if you are reading this please pray for me. i have some decisions to make and no support.