Insomnia

Insomnia. I hate it but I get so much good knitting done when I have insomnia. I knit because I can't sleep, and I can't sleep because I'm knitting. It's a blessing and a curse. This insomnia stuff is a slippery slope. I feel like its taken over. I haven't gone to knitting in weeks and i miss my friends. I need fresh air, I feel like I'm suffocating being inside all the time. I'm scared to drive when I'm tired, I don't want to run a red light or get in a wreck or fall asleep at the wheel. Along with knitting, insomnia messes with my head. I keep thinking about all the things I've done wrong and all the things I should have done instead. Why we keep fighting, why you won't call me, I should have admitted I was wrong and said I'm sorry. I have too much time to think. If I knit fast enough maybe the voices in my head will quiet. if only I could knit my problems away.

And this is why my blog is called knitting after dark. i do my best knitting after dark. I seriously doubt anyone is reading my blog but it doesn't matter. It's good to get these things out.


on a knitting note:

I'm working on a prayer / comfort shawl for a friend of a friend who's baby passed away from SIDS. I don't know this lady but my heart breaks for her. It's taken me longer than i thought. I bought 4 skeins of Baby's First by Lion Brand but 4 wasn't enough, I bought 2 more skeins and looks like those won't be enough either. I'm usually a loose knitter but I'm using the size called for on the label. So the guage is a eating what I bought. I don't at Michael's anymore since I've been going to local yarn stores. But this stuff was cheap and easy to find. The closest yarn store is 30 minutes away and they're not always open. Michael's is right down the road from my house and Baby's First was the only yarn that didn't make me want to hurl. It reminds me a lot of Berroco Comfort. Its 50% acrylic and 50% cotton. The cotton pretty much cancels out the vile acrylicness. Not squeaky at all and very few knots. I've found 2 knots in 4 skeins so far. Not bad if I say so myself. (Call me the Knot Nazi. I hate knots and death to all knots!) And when its knitted up its nice and squishy, like a big hug.

I feel very privileged to be knitting this shawl for a fellow woman in need. A lot of people don't know this but I had a miscarriage in 2006. So I feel privileged but also my heart breaks all over again. That was a hard time in my life but I can't even imagine carrying that baby, giving birth to it then 3 months later losing them for no reason. It just makes you question WHY? WHY take him? WHY break his parents hearts? he was born perfect, nothing wrong with him, loving parents and now he's just gone. Its hard for me to think of her crying all alone like all those nights I did. Also All my sleepless nights are worth it if this shawls brings her one moment of comfort.